I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
