My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
