And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
