she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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