We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
