At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
