When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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