So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
