Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
