your thong is hanging out like whoa
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
kristin has been a bad kristin
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I would ride that face into the sunset
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
