let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
