careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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