she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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