Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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