She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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