Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
