omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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