The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
