just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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