I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
