Soap is not a condiment
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
