Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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