My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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