Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
