I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
