The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
