I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
