I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
