whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
