You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
