Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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