I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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