we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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