too bad you live with your parents still
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
