I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
