Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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