Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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