google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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