It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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