Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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