dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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