So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
