I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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