It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
