So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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