so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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