Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
