I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
