Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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