shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
