i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize