Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
