Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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