Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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