This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize