Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
