Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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