Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
