I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
