We won't sleep together?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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