I wish I could punch you in the face.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
