ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize