I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
