and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
